New Year's Weekend and a Cry for Purity

Good Things:
Spontaneous road trip to visit dear friends for NYE
Made our own "healthy pizza" to celebrate
Spent time together in the word, prayer and praise as families
Got in another mile today - with the whole fam!
Made a pretty good fresh vegie stir-fry & fried rice to go with our not-so-healthy egg rolls for NYD dinner
Precious & amazing evening with our family tonite - A Purity Ceremony for our eldest daughter

Not So Good Things:
No exercise yesterday
Missed breakfast b/c I slept in so late
Donut to celebrate the new year - ahem

My heart is bursting tonite. So many emotions as I see my firstborn commit her heart to the Lord and to us as she pursues His call for purity in her life. I am challenged as I watch her grow and learn to see what impurities may be hidden (or not so hidden) in my own life.

"Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22

This is the verse written on her Purity Vow.  As I reflect on this command, I am forced to consider whether I have done this fully. Have I, even as a grown woman, completely fled from the immature desires that once drove me to sin and away from a life of purity before the Lord? Are there still lusts that control me and keep me from following in righteousness, faith, love and peace before the Lord? Do these desires have a hold on me in any way, creating habitual sin in my life? Ashamedly, I must answer yes.

As a young person, I longed to be loved. I craved acceptance and attention. I desired to feel special and noticed. I desired, above all things, to escape loneliness. I enjoyed being idle and living to please myself.

Do these foolish desires still affect me? Do I continue to make choices based on these cravings? Are my struggles with self-discipline and lack of motivation connected yet with these past behaviors? Have I never fully turned from these youthful lusts, thereby leaving myself stuck in a path of destruction?

Yes. I continue to battle my self-centered desires of people pleasing, avoiding conflict, and laziness. I continue to look for my worth in how I appear to others, what I serve to others, and how they respond to my efforts. I still crave that acceptance and grieve over not feeling "good enough".  And these battles continue to affect my daily choices in how I speak, act, think, eat and move.

Lord, thank you for revealing this sin in my heart and the hold it has had on my life. Forgive me for hanging on to these impurities and allowing them to keep me from following you. You desire me to walk in righteousness, and I have been walking in shadows. You have given me faith and I keep going back to my fears. You teach me of unconditional, sacrificial love, yet I continue to look for self-serving affection. You have given me peace through my savior, Jesus, yet I struggle to embrace it because I will not let go of the conflict of my youth.  Lord, make me pure. Cleanse me of these desires.

My longing for love has been fulfilled by your amazing sacrifice on my behalf. No one could love me more than you have done by laying down your life when I was so unlovable.

My craving for acceptance and attention has been met in you, Jesus. You have lived a life of purity and now clothe me in your garments of purity. I am acceptable and accepted because of your love for me. You attend to me every moment of my life. Your thoughts for me outnumber the stars. I am forever known, noticed and prayed for by you.

My loneliness, you continue to heal. You teach me how to focus my heart on others, extending your love to those around me, that I would be less concerned for myself. You show me that when there is less of me, there truly is more of You.

As I pursue the good things you have for me, I am energized. As I learn to better care for my physical body, I am finding a new desire to be active, serving you more by serving others. I am learning that you give me strength because I am using it. When I give in to laziness, it begets laziness. I am beginning to understand.

Thank you for using this new challenge of caring for my physical body to learn more about how you care for me as a whole person. You are using this time to reveal my heart, heal my emotions, renew my mind, and strengthen me to walk in the freedom you have given to me. I praise you!